Start by Slowing Down

Happy New Year! Here we are again – shocked that another year has passed so quickly and looking forward with great anticipation to the new year ahead. Beginnings are so exciting! They signal the end of something and the chance to reevaluate, make changes, create a new plan, and begin with a clean slate.

It is the wee hours of the first day of 2010 as I write this. I have been outside wrapped in a blanket listening, thinking, dozing, being grateful. There is a full moon tonight with a huge white ring around it. It is also a Blue Moon which only happens every 2.7 years I have read; historically rare on December 31. Nature is my primary spiritual pathway. I would rather be outside than inside almost anytime so I notice and revel in these things. My relationship with God is my anchor and filter and I hear His voice most clearly in the quiet and beauty of creation. From that perspective, I’ve been reading about the number 10. It is the start of a whole new order of numbers and the culmination of the numbers that come before it. That is significant as we embark not just upon a new year, but a new decade, having just completed the first decade of a new century. Ten denotes perfect divine order through time and coming full circle. In this completion there is no lack or want.

Wow! Does that give you goosebumps and get you fired up to see what 2010 has in store? What do you need to see your vision HAPPEN this year?

A couple weeks ago I shared one reader’s commitment to 25 Days of Giving. Day 20 held blessing and power that I believe we could all use in the early days of 2010.

“This is a tough one. Probably the hardest I have yet to do. Day 20 I gave to myself. I gave myself forgiveness and compassion. I spent the day making Christmas gifts and never left the house. I thought about running to the computer to find something that I could quickly give money to but then decided that it was ok that I didn't get out into the world that day. I will certainly make up for it because I want to but I gave myself permission to fall down. For it is in the many reminders that I am not perfect that I find peace and contentment. It is my imperfections that make me human and make me, me. I am notoriously hard on myself and would ordinarily beat myself up for days. Or I would have thrown money at something to cover up my mistake. Not this time. I am proud of day 20. To me, it is a critical form of giving. Giving kindness, forgiveness and understanding to ourselves is a huge part of this process. Now back to giving to others!”

Extending grace and compassion to yourself is crucial to gaining clarity and direction. Stepping out of the world and your daily routine will create space and time for new ideas and real listening. Notice how she had to consciously deny the urge to get “busy”, do something, give money.

Start by slowing down. Allow yourself, in the next few days, an hour or two with absolutely no agenda. Don’t DO, just BE. Take a walk, curl up in your favorite chair, daydream, lie in a hot bath…

Then get out your journal and record whatever you heard or observed in your quiet time. Here are a couple reflection questions as you set out on the marvelous journey into 2010.

What was your greatest accomplishment in 2009? Was there a problem or challenge you tackled or overcame? Celebrate it!

What is your greatest challenge right now?

What area of your life will you focus on this year?

What do you need?

Who will you enlist to help, encourage, and support you?


I am grateful for what each of you brought to my life and work in 2009 and I am honored to go with you into 2010. As always, I am ready to support and coach you as you explore your vision and purpose.

Blessings,
Beth

Everybody's Fine

I saw the movie Everybody's Fine this weekend. Robert DeNiro is a recent widower, named Frank, who has four adult children and one grandson. He is retired after decades of applying protective coating to thousands of miles of telephone wire. Last week we talked about paradox and dichotomy. Let's add irony. This man who is very aware, and proud of, having helped billions of conversations to be carried through his wires, has avoided important conversations his entire life.

After his kids back out of a family visit at the last minute, he decides to surprise each one by going to them. Frank waits hours outside his son's apartment in N.Y. but he neither shows up nor answers the phone. Saddened, but determined, Frank boards a train for Chicago. His daughter is on edge at seeing him and there is a miserable dinner where his son-in-law and grandson are overtly at odds. He spends a little time talking and playing golf with his grandson and begins to understand that he has been cut significantly out of the loop in his family's lives. He is hustled off to Denver after only one night, with the lament of, "Oh dad, any week but this one." In Denver he begins to understand that his children are both intimidated by him and afraid of disappointing him; so they have pretended and dodged for a long time. His wife ran interference, protecting the kids by keeping things from him that would make him angry and be too hard on them, and protecting him by censoring information so he wouldn't worry or become angry. In Las Vegas he overhears a phone message that lets him know his daughter is lying to him about her circumstances. Tired and dejected he suffers a heart attack on the plane home.

While in and out of consciousness Frank gains clarity , realizing the truth of his relationships. He and his kids genuinely love and care for each other but the intimacy level is flatlined - just like his heart. He finally gets his kids in a room together, at unbearable cost. A horrible truth is revealed opening the door to intimacy and healing.

In this family a universal truth holds. No matter how difficult or painful; no matter how your heart pounds and your hands get clammy; no matter how much you DO NOT want to broach the subject; no matter how the other person might respond...It is ALWAYS best to have an honest conversation. It is ALWAYS good to speak the truth in LOVE. It is ALWAYS right to build honesty and intimacy into our relationships. I have never seen it fail. It is how we were meant to live.

This season, as you gather with family and friends, remember this universal truth. If something is broken, fix it. Write a letter. Take someone to see this movie - then begin an honest conversation. Make the phone call. Take the initiative. Go deep. Let the people that matter to you know how much they matter to you. Commit to begin 2010 with a clear, light heart and sound relationships. Then relax into genuine enjoyment and watch your world change!

Blessings to you,
Beth

Energize Your New Year

As each year closes it is good to take stock, then spend some time thinking about the new year ahead and how you would like it to take shape. I love a bright, clean page in my journal - a symbol of limitless possibilities to be recorded on a blank slate. No matter WHAT transpired in the year gone by, the future is shiny and new! The world is wide open!

To help me focus my thinking and energy I decide on a word, a theme, and a goal for the year.
2009 was the Year of Convergence.
WORD: Adventure
THEME: Walk with God
GOAL: (From the Hebrew word Yada) to know; to understand; to learn; to experience; to discern; to be willing; to be skillful; to be wise; to cause to know; to obey

I will be putting some quiet meditation into this exercise over the next couple weeks. I invite and encourage you to give it a go. Share your Word, Theme, and Goal for 2010. Anything and ALL things are POSSIBLE! Name it!
And Share it with us so we can all be fired up to jump into our new year!

Blessings,
Beth

25 Days of Giving

I am often touched and inspired by the thoughts and actions of all of you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me and allowing me to pass on your wisdom, compassion, and profound thinking. This is from someone very dear to me and a loyal reader. May it get your compassionate and creative juices flowing!

“Every year around this time I feel a twinge in my heart. It's the feeling that I am abundantly blessed combined with the reminder that there are so many people hurting and doing without. Those who are blessed, go out and be a blessing. That is what I would like to do. I have always believed that it is my job as a mother to teach my children to make the world a better place. What better way to do that than using our own 2 hands?

So this holiday season we are going to do our very best to give everyday until Christmas. That leaves us 25 days to give, give. give. The options really are endless. It can be small or rather large. I hope to try it all these next 25 days. I am posting this adventure here in hopes that it holds me accountable. How often do we have a desire to do something but lack the follow through? I do hope that you will keep me honest and moving forward.

They say that habits form in 21 days. Hopefully this exercise in looking beyond ourselves will become a habit. I'll be filling you in on our progress. And please join in if you feel so inclined. Don't feel overwhelmed by the 25 straight days thing. There are no rules with this, just give from your heart, once or a hundred times.. I trust that God will put our effort where it needs to be. Happy 25 days of giving!

We bought and delivered 2 bags full of baby food for the girls' preschool to distribute to babies in need. Woo hoo for day number 2!!
On a side note, I just have to mention that this exercise is really powerful. I panicked a bit after I hit the publish button yesterday. For a split second I wondered why I had committed to what felt like a huge feat. And if I fail I will be so disappointed in myself. And then...I remembered that I have to leave the Negative Nelly voice behind and step out in faith. I have to trust that my desire to make a difference and God's desire to have us make a difference is more than enough to get us through 25 days. Since that realization I find myself coming up with all kinds of new giving ideas. There is truly no shortage of options and most take no more than a few minutes to complete. I am grateful for this challenge and I am being transformed already.

I heard that our children are being referred to as "Generation Me". Ugh. I don't know about you but I sure don't want to contribute to "Generation Me"! I hope this exercise will have a lasting affect on my children. I hope we continue to find joy in giving long after these 25 days are over.”


Thus far this family has distributed blankets and bag lunches to homeless people, put a small surprise in the mailbox for their carrier, written notes and sent snacks to our brave soldiers, given grocery certificates, paid for the car behind them at McDonald’s, and left flowers on doorsteps. There are reports that unusual levels of kindness and thoughtfulness are happening betwixt siblings. I am told this mama is experiencing more joy, patience, and peace as she moves through her days. Dad has been seen performing random acts of kindness and offering suggestions for giving. An adult sister has joined in the fun and taken it to the streets in her own life.

See a need and fill it. Pass it on. If you have been blessed, be a blessing. If you have a need, allow someone to help you. It can also expand our hearts to receive. We are meant to do life together, to lift each other up, and to practice a “one another” mentality.

Give. Receive. Be blessed.
Beth

LOOK FOR IT

Thursday we will gather in honor of Thanksgiving Day. It is a time to count our blessings and begin a season that is supposed to be filled with joy, peace, goodwill, fellowship, and fun. I think the reason the holidays are challenging for so many people is the dichotomy between what is “supposed” to transpire and the reality of stress and discouragement at this time of year.

I heard a report about five components of life. The middle three – Physical/Mental/Social/ - may rotate in order of importance or urgency; but the first one: Spiritual and the last one: Financial, must always maintain their order. I am inclined to agree. I know financial stressors are great and clamor for our attention. I am not minimizing the circumstances many of you find yourselves in. I also know that finding time for quiet meditation, prayer, or worship to nurture your spiritual relationship is easier to put off. The quiet whisper is drowned out by the clamor. To borrow a line from Oprah, here’s what I know for sure. Stressing, forcing, and striving are NOT helpful. They are harmful. God tells us to cease striving. Be still.

If I asked you to pick up a can of soup you could do it, right? What if I asked you to hold it for an hour? A day? A week? A month? A DECADE? Now imagine one in your other hand too. Maybe a couple in your purse or pocket. Do you see the cumulative effect of holding stressors over time? They are literal burdens that rob us of freedom, ease, comfort, peace, and joy (Do you hear the Christmas Carol in your head? Oh tidings of comfort and joy…)

This week listen for one full day and notice the number of complaints and discouraging words you hear. Notice the number of positive attitudes and expressions of gratitude you hear. How many of each came from YOUR mouth?

Go ahead and make your list of gratitudes. Keep first things first and take some time – even 5-10 minutes - to make your spiritual relationship your top priority. Let someone know how grateful you are for them and why you appreciate them (be specific). Do something great for your body. Hang out with someone you truly enjoy. Challenge your mind with something that engages you.

A man’s small plane went down on a remote island. After weeks of cold, hunger, and loneliness he had fashioned a small lean-to and could collect water and fish for food. One afternoon he returned to find that a spark from his cooking fire had burned all of his meager possessions. He laid down and cried in abject desolation. The next day a ship appeared on the horizon heading his way. He was rescued because of his smoke signal.

Look for the Blessing. Expect it. Give Thanks.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving Day,
Beth

To Friend or Unfriend?

This week “unfriend” ws declared the word of the year by the Oxford American Dictionary. It means “to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site”. The word’s merit derives from its currency and potential longevity.

This says something very unsettling about the mood of our culture. We “friend” and “unfriend” with abandon, and with disregard for the human being on the other end of the cyber exercise. Time spent in front of a screen collecting vast numbers of “friends”, and then “unfriending” those that fall short of our expectations on any given day, is an activity we need to be aware of. Each “friend” translates to a real person with real feelings.

I recently saw a t.v. commercial with a mom and two tween daughters at the mall. Mom is on her blackberry while the girls discuss a boy who is disappointing. In the time it takes mom to discover there is money for more shopping in her checking account, the girls “are so over him”.

This beautifully illustrates the reason we unplug for Family Night. No screens, no earphones, no beeps to remind us that someone wants our attention, no television, no telephones, no texting… Just you and your family - together, talking, listening, learning, working as a team, and enjoying each other face-to-face. With Family Night by the Book you will know exactly how to accomplish this feat with ease and fun! We even give you the makings of an Electronic Drop Box to help everyone be fully present without distractions.

The Quick Start kit includes a great lesson on friendship. Check it out!

Would You Have Noticed?

I have had several conversations and coaching sessions recently with people feeling restless, stressed, scattered, too busy – as if they are missing something, but cannot put their finger on it. Life is okay, family is doing well. Nothing is really wrong. But something is definitely not right.

Life is full, busy and fast. We often have the sense that what is most important and beautiful hovers on the periphery, just out of sight. Perhaps we will capture it tomorrow – or just as soon as we can carve out some time to really think about it.

We talk a lot here about staying in the moment; being mindful of what is happening in the present without thinking about the future, the past – or attending to the many thoughts that stream through all day long.

A couple of years ago Gene Weingarten, staff writer for the Washington Post, wrote a fascinating story about this very thing. I will cite parts in italics and you can read the complete article and watch the video by clicking here.


Joshua Bell, one of the world’s finest violinists, was asked to perform incognito as a street musician during morning rush-hour in a Washington,D.C. Metro station. He donned street clothes and took his 3.5 million dollar Stradivarius violin to a spot between the escalators, a shoe shine stand and a news kiosk. For 40 minutes he played some of the most beautiful and challenging music ever composed for over 1,000 people who passed by.

“The skin mags move, but it's that lottery ticket dispenser that stays the busiest, with customers queuing up for Daily 6 lotto and Powerball and the ultimate suckers' bait, those pamphlets that sell random number combinations purporting to be "hot." They sell briskly.
On Friday, January 12, the people waiting in the lottery line looking for a long shot would get a lucky break -- a free, close-up ticket to a concert by one of the world's most famous musicians -- but only if they were of a mind to take note.
Three minutes went by before something happened. Sixty-three people had already passed when, finally, there was a breakthrough of sorts. A middle-age man altered his gait for a split second, turning his head to notice that there seemed to be some guy playing music. Yes, the man kept walking, but it was something.
A half-minute later, Bell got his first donation. A woman threw in a buck and scooted off. It was not until six minutes into the performance that someone actually stood against a wall, and listened.
Things never got much better. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance, at least for a minute. Twenty-seven gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and change. That leaves the 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.”

Mr. Bell admitted to being nervous, not knowing what to expect before he began. At first all his concentration was on playing the music, telling the story with his instrument. He didn’t really notice what was going on around him. He has played in the finest concert halls, with the finest orchestras, for crowned heads of state – where people stifle the slightest sound in awe and respect for his artistry. He acknowledged how strange it was to be ignored and to have no response as he finished a piece.

"At a music hall, I'll get upset if someone coughs or if someone's cellphone goes off. But here, my expectations quickly diminished. I started to appreciate any acknowledgment, even a slight glance up. I was oddly grateful when someone threw in a dollar instead of change."

I believe that everything important in life is about the nature and quality of our relationships and interactions with each other. That quote is profound. It speaks so deeply to our need to be acknowledged for who we are and what we have to contribute. I applaud Mr. Bell’s courage and vulnerability in revealing himself and his desire to connect with the people he was playing for.

Over 40 people were interviewed about their experience that morning. One mom, in a hurry to get her 3y.o old to day care and begin her day as an IT director for a federal agency, put her body between her son and Mr. Bell to keep him from pulling on her hand to stop and listen. All of the children who passed by noticed and wanted to stop, but were hurried along by adults…

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
-- from "Leisure," by W.H. Davies

“In his 2003 book, Timeless Beauty: In the Arts and Everyday Life, British author John Lane writes about the loss of the appreciation for beauty in the modern world. The experiment at L'Enfant Plaza may be symptomatic of that, he said -- not because people didn't have the capacity to understand beauty, but because it was irrelevant to them.
If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that -- then what else are we missing?”


Being mindful requires careful listening. In Falling Awake by Dave Ellis he says, “Most people think that listening is what we do when someone else talks. Actually, we can expand the meaning of the word listen to its large sense which means receiving everything at all times. Listening can be a way of life, an attitude toward all things, an open posture to the world. The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word listen: ‘To make a conscious effort to hear; to pay attention; to heed’. Listening fully means paying exquisite close attention. When you pay attention your world gets bigger.
Listening means receiving whatever the world is “sending”. At any given moment, the world is sending plenty – thousands of tastes, sights, aromas, sounds, textures, ideas and information just waiting to be noticed. If we’re not careful we might tune out this symphony of sights, sounds, and sensations.”

Are you listening to all the world is sending?
Would you have noticed the soaring beauty of Joshua Bell’s violin?
Would you have stopped to watch and listen?
Would you have acknowledged him with your eyes, a smile, a word of praise or thanks, a donation?

Blessings,
Beth