Monday, November 23, 2009

LOOK FOR IT

Thursday we will gather in honor of Thanksgiving Day. It is a time to count our blessings and begin a season that is supposed to be filled with joy, peace, goodwill, fellowship, and fun. I think the reason the holidays are challenging for so many people is the dichotomy between what is “supposed” to transpire and the reality of stress and discouragement at this time of year.

I heard a report about five components of life. The middle three – Physical/Mental/Social/ - may rotate in order of importance or urgency; but the first one: Spiritual and the last one: Financial, must always maintain their order. I am inclined to agree. I know financial stressors are great and clamor for our attention. I am not minimizing the circumstances many of you find yourselves in. I also know that finding time for quiet meditation, prayer, or worship to nurture your spiritual relationship is easier to put off. The quiet whisper is drowned out by the clamor. To borrow a line from Oprah, here’s what I know for sure. Stressing, forcing, and striving are NOT helpful. They are harmful. God tells us to cease striving. Be still.

If I asked you to pick up a can of soup you could do it, right? What if I asked you to hold it for an hour? A day? A week? A month? A DECADE? Now imagine one in your other hand too. Maybe a couple in your purse or pocket. Do you see the cumulative effect of holding stressors over time? They are literal burdens that rob us of freedom, ease, comfort, peace, and joy (Do you hear the Christmas Carol in your head? Oh tidings of comfort and joy…)

This week listen for one full day and notice the number of complaints and discouraging words you hear. Notice the number of positive attitudes and expressions of gratitude you hear. How many of each came from YOUR mouth?

Go ahead and make your list of gratitudes. Keep first things first and take some time – even 5-10 minutes - to make your spiritual relationship your top priority. Let someone know how grateful you are for them and why you appreciate them (be specific). Do something great for your body. Hang out with someone you truly enjoy. Challenge your mind with something that engages you.

A man’s small plane went down on a remote island. After weeks of cold, hunger, and loneliness he had fashioned a small lean-to and could collect water and fish for food. One afternoon he returned to find that a spark from his cooking fire had burned all of his meager possessions. He laid down and cried in abject desolation. The next day a ship appeared on the horizon heading his way. He was rescued because of his smoke signal.

Look for the Blessing. Expect it. Give Thanks.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving Day,
Beth

Friday, November 20, 2009

To Friend or Unfriend?

This week “unfriend” ws declared the word of the year by the Oxford American Dictionary. It means “to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site”. The word’s merit derives from its currency and potential longevity.

This says something very unsettling about the mood of our culture. We “friend” and “unfriend” with abandon, and with disregard for the human being on the other end of the cyber exercise. Time spent in front of a screen collecting vast numbers of “friends”, and then “unfriending” those that fall short of our expectations on any given day, is an activity we need to be aware of. Each “friend” translates to a real person with real feelings.

I recently saw a t.v. commercial with a mom and two tween daughters at the mall. Mom is on her blackberry while the girls discuss a boy who is disappointing. In the time it takes mom to discover there is money for more shopping in her checking account, the girls “are so over him”.

This beautifully illustrates the reason we unplug for Family Night. No screens, no earphones, no beeps to remind us that someone wants our attention, no television, no telephones, no texting… Just you and your family - together, talking, listening, learning, working as a team, and enjoying each other face-to-face. With Family Night by the Book you will know exactly how to accomplish this feat with ease and fun! We even give you the makings of an Electronic Drop Box to help everyone be fully present without distractions.

The Quick Start kit includes a great lesson on friendship. Check it out!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Would You Have Noticed?

I have had several conversations and coaching sessions recently with people feeling restless, stressed, scattered, too busy – as if they are missing something, but cannot put their finger on it. Life is okay, family is doing well. Nothing is really wrong. But something is definitely not right.

Life is full, busy and fast. We often have the sense that what is most important and beautiful hovers on the periphery, just out of sight. Perhaps we will capture it tomorrow – or just as soon as we can carve out some time to really think about it.

We talk a lot here about staying in the moment; being mindful of what is happening in the present without thinking about the future, the past – or attending to the many thoughts that stream through all day long.

A couple of years ago Gene Weingarten, staff writer for the Washington Post, wrote a fascinating story about this very thing. I will cite parts in italics and you can read the complete article and watch the video by clicking here.


Joshua Bell, one of the world’s finest violinists, was asked to perform incognito as a street musician during morning rush-hour in a Washington,D.C. Metro station. He donned street clothes and took his 3.5 million dollar Stradivarius violin to a spot between the escalators, a shoe shine stand and a news kiosk. For 40 minutes he played some of the most beautiful and challenging music ever composed for over 1,000 people who passed by.

“The skin mags move, but it's that lottery ticket dispenser that stays the busiest, with customers queuing up for Daily 6 lotto and Powerball and the ultimate suckers' bait, those pamphlets that sell random number combinations purporting to be "hot." They sell briskly.
On Friday, January 12, the people waiting in the lottery line looking for a long shot would get a lucky break -- a free, close-up ticket to a concert by one of the world's most famous musicians -- but only if they were of a mind to take note.
Three minutes went by before something happened. Sixty-three people had already passed when, finally, there was a breakthrough of sorts. A middle-age man altered his gait for a split second, turning his head to notice that there seemed to be some guy playing music. Yes, the man kept walking, but it was something.
A half-minute later, Bell got his first donation. A woman threw in a buck and scooted off. It was not until six minutes into the performance that someone actually stood against a wall, and listened.
Things never got much better. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance, at least for a minute. Twenty-seven gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and change. That leaves the 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.”


Mr. Bell admitted to being nervous, not knowing what to expect before he began. At first all his concentration was on playing the music, telling the story with his instrument. He didn’t really notice what was going on around him. He has played in the finest concert halls, with the finest orchestras, for crowned heads of state – where people stifle the slightest sound in awe and respect for his artistry. He acknowledged how strange it was to be ignored and to have no response as he finished a piece.

"At a music hall, I'll get upset if someone coughs or if someone's cellphone goes off. But here, my expectations quickly diminished. I started to appreciate any acknowledgment, even a slight glance up. I was oddly grateful when someone threw in a dollar instead of change."

I believe that everything important in life is about the nature and quality of our relationships and interactions with each other. That quote is profound. It speaks so deeply to our need to be acknowledged for who we are and what we have to contribute. I applaud Mr. Bell’s courage and vulnerability in revealing himself and his desire to connect with the people he was playing for.

Over 40 people were interviewed about their experience that morning. One mom, in a hurry to get her 3y.o old to day care and begin her day as an IT director for a federal agency, put her body between her son and Mr. Bell to keep him from pulling on her hand to stop and listen. All of the children who passed by noticed and wanted to stop, but were hurried along by adults…

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
-- from "Leisure," by W.H. Davies

“In his 2003 book, Timeless Beauty: In the Arts and Everyday Life, British author John Lane writes about the loss of the appreciation for beauty in the modern world. The experiment at L'Enfant Plaza may be symptomatic of that, he said -- not because people didn't have the capacity to understand beauty, but because it was irrelevant to them.
If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that -- then what else are we missing?”


Being mindful requires careful listening. In Falling Awake by Dave Ellis he says, “Most people think that listening is what we do when someone else talks. Actually, we can expand the meaning of the word listen to its large sense which means receiving everything at all times. Listening can be a way of life, an attitude toward all things, an open posture to the world. The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word listen: ‘To make a conscious effort to hear; to pay attention; to heed’. Listening fully means paying exquisite close attention. When you pay attention your world gets bigger.
Listening means receiving whatever the world is “sending”. At any given moment, the world is sending plenty – thousands of tastes, sights, aromas, sounds, textures, ideas and information just waiting to be noticed. If we’re not careful we might tune out this symphony of sights, sounds, and sensations.”

Are you listening to all the world is sending?
Would you have noticed the soaring beauty of Joshua Bell’s violin?
Would you have stopped to watch and listen?
Would you have acknowledged him with your eyes, a smile, a word of praise or thanks, a donation?

Blessings,
Beth