Everybody's Fine

I saw the movie Everybody's Fine this weekend. Robert DeNiro is a recent widower, named Frank, who has four adult children and one grandson. He is retired after decades of applying protective coating to thousands of miles of telephone wire. Last week we talked about paradox and dichotomy. Let's add irony. This man who is very aware, and proud of, having helped billions of conversations to be carried through his wires, has avoided important conversations his entire life.

After his kids back out of a family visit at the last minute, he decides to surprise each one by going to them. Frank waits hours outside his son's apartment in N.Y. but he neither shows up nor answers the phone. Saddened, but determined, Frank boards a train for Chicago. His daughter is on edge at seeing him and there is a miserable dinner where his son-in-law and grandson are overtly at odds. He spends a little time talking and playing golf with his grandson and begins to understand that he has been cut significantly out of the loop in his family's lives. He is hustled off to Denver after only one night, with the lament of, "Oh dad, any week but this one." In Denver he begins to understand that his children are both intimidated by him and afraid of disappointing him; so they have pretended and dodged for a long time. His wife ran interference, protecting the kids by keeping things from him that would make him angry and be too hard on them, and protecting him by censoring information so he wouldn't worry or become angry. In Las Vegas he overhears a phone message that lets him know his daughter is lying to him about her circumstances. Tired and dejected he suffers a heart attack on the plane home.

While in and out of consciousness Frank gains clarity , realizing the truth of his relationships. He and his kids genuinely love and care for each other but the intimacy level is flatlined - just like his heart. He finally gets his kids in a room together, at unbearable cost. A horrible truth is revealed opening the door to intimacy and healing.

In this family a universal truth holds. No matter how difficult or painful; no matter how your heart pounds and your hands get clammy; no matter how much you DO NOT want to broach the subject; no matter how the other person might respond...It is ALWAYS best to have an honest conversation. It is ALWAYS good to speak the truth in LOVE. It is ALWAYS right to build honesty and intimacy into our relationships. I have never seen it fail. It is how we were meant to live.

This season, as you gather with family and friends, remember this universal truth. If something is broken, fix it. Write a letter. Take someone to see this movie - then begin an honest conversation. Make the phone call. Take the initiative. Go deep. Let the people that matter to you know how much they matter to you. Commit to begin 2010 with a clear, light heart and sound relationships. Then relax into genuine enjoyment and watch your world change!

Blessings to you,
Beth

Energize Your New Year

As each year closes it is good to take stock, then spend some time thinking about the new year ahead and how you would like it to take shape. I love a bright, clean page in my journal - a symbol of limitless possibilities to be recorded on a blank slate. No matter WHAT transpired in the year gone by, the future is shiny and new! The world is wide open!

To help me focus my thinking and energy I decide on a word, a theme, and a goal for the year.
2009 was the Year of Convergence.
WORD: Adventure
THEME: Walk with God
GOAL: (From the Hebrew word Yada) to know; to understand; to learn; to experience; to discern; to be willing; to be skillful; to be wise; to cause to know; to obey

I will be putting some quiet meditation into this exercise over the next couple weeks. I invite and encourage you to give it a go. Share your Word, Theme, and Goal for 2010. Anything and ALL things are POSSIBLE! Name it!
And Share it with us so we can all be fired up to jump into our new year!

Blessings,
Beth

25 Days of Giving

I am often touched and inspired by the thoughts and actions of all of you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me and allowing me to pass on your wisdom, compassion, and profound thinking. This is from someone very dear to me and a loyal reader. May it get your compassionate and creative juices flowing!

“Every year around this time I feel a twinge in my heart. It's the feeling that I am abundantly blessed combined with the reminder that there are so many people hurting and doing without. Those who are blessed, go out and be a blessing. That is what I would like to do. I have always believed that it is my job as a mother to teach my children to make the world a better place. What better way to do that than using our own 2 hands?

So this holiday season we are going to do our very best to give everyday until Christmas. That leaves us 25 days to give, give. give. The options really are endless. It can be small or rather large. I hope to try it all these next 25 days. I am posting this adventure here in hopes that it holds me accountable. How often do we have a desire to do something but lack the follow through? I do hope that you will keep me honest and moving forward.

They say that habits form in 21 days. Hopefully this exercise in looking beyond ourselves will become a habit. I'll be filling you in on our progress. And please join in if you feel so inclined. Don't feel overwhelmed by the 25 straight days thing. There are no rules with this, just give from your heart, once or a hundred times.. I trust that God will put our effort where it needs to be. Happy 25 days of giving!

We bought and delivered 2 bags full of baby food for the girls' preschool to distribute to babies in need. Woo hoo for day number 2!!
On a side note, I just have to mention that this exercise is really powerful. I panicked a bit after I hit the publish button yesterday. For a split second I wondered why I had committed to what felt like a huge feat. And if I fail I will be so disappointed in myself. And then...I remembered that I have to leave the Negative Nelly voice behind and step out in faith. I have to trust that my desire to make a difference and God's desire to have us make a difference is more than enough to get us through 25 days. Since that realization I find myself coming up with all kinds of new giving ideas. There is truly no shortage of options and most take no more than a few minutes to complete. I am grateful for this challenge and I am being transformed already.

I heard that our children are being referred to as "Generation Me". Ugh. I don't know about you but I sure don't want to contribute to "Generation Me"! I hope this exercise will have a lasting affect on my children. I hope we continue to find joy in giving long after these 25 days are over.”


Thus far this family has distributed blankets and bag lunches to homeless people, put a small surprise in the mailbox for their carrier, written notes and sent snacks to our brave soldiers, given grocery certificates, paid for the car behind them at McDonald’s, and left flowers on doorsteps. There are reports that unusual levels of kindness and thoughtfulness are happening betwixt siblings. I am told this mama is experiencing more joy, patience, and peace as she moves through her days. Dad has been seen performing random acts of kindness and offering suggestions for giving. An adult sister has joined in the fun and taken it to the streets in her own life.

See a need and fill it. Pass it on. If you have been blessed, be a blessing. If you have a need, allow someone to help you. It can also expand our hearts to receive. We are meant to do life together, to lift each other up, and to practice a “one another” mentality.

Give. Receive. Be blessed.
Beth