From Your Head to Your Mouth

“It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.”
Writer Sally Kempton

Last week we talked about the power of our thoughts, both positive and negative. If you missed it you can read the article “It’s All in Your Head” on the website or scroll down and read it here.


Right behind our thoughts come our spoken words (or in some unfortunate cases, our mouths get out in front of our heads). The following is paraphrased from In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado.

Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before – such majesty, splendor and strength.
People offered great sums for the steed but the man loved the horse and refused to sell, despite his poverty and great temptation.
One morning the horse was gone from his stable. The villagers called the old man a fool for not selling the horse before someone stole it. They scoffed at him for thinking he could hold and protect such an animal. He could have named his price, now the horse was gone and he was cursed with misfortune.
The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know or judge?”
The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”
The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”
The villagers laughed, more convinced that he was indeed a fool. He could have lived in luxury, but
was living in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven he was a fool with his foolish words.

Two weeks later the horse returned, bringing a dozen beautiful wild horses with him. The villagers gathered around him saying, “Old man you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”
The man responded, “Once again you go too far. Say only that the horse is back and he has brought a dozen horses with him. Don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment, not the whole story. Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t”.

“Maybe the old man is right”, they said to one another, so they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. The horses could be broken and sold for much money.

The old man had an only son. He began to work with the wild horses to break them. Soon after, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. The villagers gathered once again to cast their judgments. “You were right. The horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs and cannot help you in your old age and you are poorer than ever.”

“You people are obsessed with judging”, the old man said. “Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? We have only a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”

Several weeks later the country went to war and all the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded due to his injury. The villagers gathered around crying and wailing because their sons had been taken. The enemy was fierce and the young men were unlikely to return.

“God knows you were right old man”, they wept. “Your sons broken legs were a blessing. At least he is with you and our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again, “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this. Your sons had to go to war and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”



This story illustrates how our thoughts and words get us into a swirl of doubt and anxiety. We follow it up with lamenting and judgment that may or may not be true. The end result is a mass of reactionary chaos inside and out. Remember, a thought is just a thought until we attach meaning and emotion to it and act on it.

When we can take a step back, observe what “is”, and avoid making interpretations, we are in a calmer more focused position to think clearly and problem solve. Mark Twain said, “I have known a great many disasters in my life. Most of them never happened.”

How we speak about the events and circumstances of our lives has great impact on how we respond. Notice your tone and your inflection. Observe how the meaning behind your words colors both your choice of words and how they sound to your own ears. Then follow the action. What behavior results from the way you talk about the event or circumstance? Do others join you and follow your lead? What happens to the relationship(s) involved?

Since the economic downturn my business has slowed. When people asked me how things were going I would say, “It has slowed down some. I am not as busy as I would like to be.” That was true, but I began to notice some resignation in my voice. Now I say, “My clients are making great progress and I am always looking for new and exciting opportunities.” Do you hear the difference? It is also true that opportunities and clients abound. There are still 6 billion people (potential clients) on the planet and no money has left the earth either. It is still here. There is no lack or shortage. And – lo and behold – some new and exciting opportunities are showing up.

There is great power in our thoughts and words. Choose and speak wisely. Refuse to participate in negativity.

Life is DEEP and it is W I D E
emerge…Explore…EXPAND

Beth

It's All in Your Head

Scientific studies have estimated that you have about 60,000 thoughts each day. That’s pretty impressive huh? Until you realize that 98% of those are pretty much the same ones you had yesterday.

Victor Frankel was an Austrian neurologist and psychologist who survived the Holocaust in a Nazi concentration camp. He chronicles his experiences as an inmate and describes his psychotherapeutic method of finding meaning in all forms of existence, even the most sordid ones, and thus a reason to continue living.

Under Frankel’s care and encouragement, if a prisoner felt that he could no longer endure the realities of camp life, he found a way out in his mental life – an invaluable opportunity to dwell in the spiritual domain, the one that the SS were unable to destroy. Spiritual life strengthened the prisoner, helped him adapt, and thereby improved his chances of survival. Frankel attributes his own survival to the strength and health of his thought life.

I hope none of us ever have to face the horrors of a concentration camp – to challenge ourselves to maintain a positive outlook and a healthy thought life under such frightening conditions. Yet our everyday thought processes can trip us up in ways we may be completely unaware of.

Last week I discovered that Ravi Zacharias, a remarkable man and brilliant Christian apologist, is going to be at ASU for an open forum. The event is free but a ticket is required. I had two days before leaving town to secure tickets. I should also note that he is on my list of the people I would most like to meet in my life – strong motivation to get myself a seat! Procrastination is a thought process that creates obstacles in my life. Perhaps you are familiar with internal phrases like, “I will get that done tomorrow”; or “I’ll be going that way in a couple days and will take care of it then” or “I still have plenty of time.”

I left town for 4 days, procrastinated for 2 more and – SOLD OUT! This morning I had a good cry, chastised myself heartily and determined that I will go on the day of the event and camp out for several hours. I spoke to my friend Sally (thank you!) who suggested I call and see if there are volunteer opportunities that would get me inside. I am on a “list” and must call back on Monday morning. I repeated my name four times, expressed my strong desire to be a part of this event, and begged. We shall see…

Metacognition is a term that entails thinking about what you are thinking about vs. just having thoughts. People of strength are those who are firmly anchored. They are clear about their values, they are critical thinkers, and their thought life contributes to – and solidifies – their convictions. Thoughts are just thoughts. We don’t have to believe them or act on them. They have no meaning until we attach meaning and emotion to them. AND our thoughts have power. Acting on them after careful consideration translates that power into results.

I sincerely hope I will be able to hear Ravi Zacharias speak. If so, it will be an exciting and precious time indeed and made more so by the near miss. The point is, I could have avoided all of this turmoil by practicing a little metacognition, by moving and acting on a thought rather than dismissing it without really considering the ramifications. Stop and consider for a moment what the 98% of recurring thoughts each day could generate if we put a little thought into our thoughts. Where are you draining energy and power in your thought life? How could you shift your thinking to become an anchor and a place of strength for you? How does your spiritual connection generate power and conviction in your life?

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if
anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8,9 Bible

Blessings,
Beth

Speak Your Significance

I love writing this newsletter. I love who you are and how you express yourselves and share your hearts and minds. I love your willingness to be vulnerable and just put it out there. I love being able to pass on your wisdom.

Did you know that MOMS constitute the largest blog group in the world? Talk about power and something to say! Recently a reader discovered that her blog - temporarily a source of pain, embarrassment, and hiding - had become the catalyst for some deep knowing, personal significance, and the voice of heart expression.

She was asked at a casual social gathering with people she didn't know well,why she thought anyone would be interested in her mundane daily activities. Here are some excerpts of her thoughts.

"That very thought has crossed my own mind periodically. It's that dark, nasty voice that tries to deter us from doing anything significant or meaningful. It's that voice that makes us our own worst enemy. I have fought that rotten voice off for the 3+ years I have blogged and crafted, reminding myself to ignore it and carry on. Well that one fateful night last year was the physical manifestation of "the voice". It looked me in the eye and told me that I have no place speaking publicly. That my life is insignificant and no one cares. Sadly, that was more than I could take. I subconsciously decided to close up shop and quietly retreat back to my apparently insignificant life as a stay at home mom."

She admits to being disappointed in herself for not recognizing the mean spirited intent, calling it out, and moving on.

"I allowed this person to take my voice. Not the nasty one but the self-expressive one. The one that makes me feel alive and connected. The one that allows me to vent all of this creative and occasionally stifled energy and, in turn, makes me a better mother...a better person.

Over the months that I remained quiet, a very sad thing happened. I lost my voice. I forgot all that makes my mind race and my pulse speed up. Last week I realized how much I missed this little outlet of mine. Sharing about my family and daily activities is fun and I love that my distant relatives and friends can stay in the know, but what I missed most was sharing me. My thoughts, my hardships, my isms and revelations. I processed my thoughts this way and, most importantly, I received good, positive feedback from people who cared.

So here I am, confessing the truth and standing up to say...no yell

MY LIFE MATTERS. MY THOUGHTS MATTER. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY WHATEVER I WANT TO SAY IN AS PUBLIC A PLACE AS I WANT TO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT...HECK YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO COME HERE AT ALL. BUT IF YOU DO, MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN. AMEN"

Where are you denying your voice? Your heart? Your significance?
Where have you not told yourself the truth?
What are you longing to say - or YELL?